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How To Choose An Engagement Ring (Without Her Knowing)

It’s perfectly understandable for men to be filled with anxiety when preparing to pop the question. Among the many reasons why the proposal process is so difficult includes the following:

– the possibility that the woman will reject the proposal
– his fear of commitment
– the sheer financial drain
– finding the most appropriate and romantic method of proposing
– the stress of having to plan a wedding

Of course, overshadowing all of these is the big one: the engagement ring. Symbolically and literally, the ring is the foundation of the proposal, the engagement, the wedding, and the marriage. It has to be perfect.

There are many qualities that define the perfect engagement ring:

– the style of ring: vintage vs. modern
– the metal and color of the band, and the setting
– the diamond: cut, color, clarity, and carat
– the ring’s emotional significance
– the price

In some cases, this momentous decision is simple because the woman expects to be proposed to and specifies the precise ring, offers specific guidelines, or even decides to use an existing ring that is in the family. However, most men aren’t so lucky. Typically, men have to choose a ring on their own and purchase it without the woman in question knowing for certain that a proposal is coming. For many, the element of surprise is crucial.

Obtaining the perfect ring without any guidance from or even the knowledge of the recipient is a monumental task. One can always make educated guesses or rely on the “if I like it, she’ll like it” mantra, but this is not recommended.

Instead, there are three broad strategies for successfully choosing an engagement ring without the woman’s knowledge.

Receiving Help from Her Friends and Family

Men in romantic relationships worthy of marriage should have close relationships with the bride-to-be’s closest friends and family members. Tapping these resources is crucial. The potential groom should disclose in confidence that he’s planning to propose. These friends and family members can then be utilized in several helpful ways depending on circumstances:

– to ask the potential bride if she’s ever looked at specific engagement rings
– to inquire about the bride-to-be’s specific jewelry tastes or about her opinion of the engagement rings of others
– to fabricate a reason to get the woman into a jewelry store or onto an engagement ring website

In any case, discretion is crucial. If the man successfully enlists friends or family members of the woman to reveal information they already had or newly obtained regarding engagement ring preferences, it can be used to select a specific engagement ring or at least help make a well educated choice.

 Gleaning Information from the Bride-to-B

This strategy involves a higher level of cunning. A clever man can engage his potential bride into conversations from which he can glean her engagement ring preferences. Here are some examples:

– initiate a discussion about a mutual friend’s engagement ring or even enlist that friend to initiate the conversation

– if not, ask the bride-to-be about specific jewelry tastes or spur her to comment on the engagement rings of others

Information gleaned using this method can be used to inform the man’s choice of ring, depending on the specificity of the conversations.

Consulting Experts

Whether based on general knowledge of the bride-to-be’s jewelry preferences or based on information gleaned from the previous two strategies, another option is to consult a jewelry expert. Most stores that sell engagement rings have knowledgeable sales staff who have assisted countless anxious men seeking to pop the question. Utilize them.



Ultimately, choosing an engagement ring is the man’s decision, and it’s the woman’s role to decide whether or not she will accept it. It is advisable for a man to spend months carefully and cleverly gleaning as much general or specific information about the woman’s jewelry or engagement ring preferences from the woman’s family and friends, and/or from the woman herself. Then the man should use that information to shop around, consult multiple experts, and then take the plunge.

Will writes for Maria Doulton who is The Jewellery Editor learn more about jewellery and browse the extensive range of High Jewels, bridal jewellery and watches, connect with us on Facebook.







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